Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Expect Perfection

One of the unintended consequences of teaching our children to pursue holiness is that they can begin to expect or assume that everyone they come into contact with has grown up walking that same path.

Case in point - watching something die in the heart of a student who finds out that his girlfriend or her boyfriend has previous sexual experience. Mind you, this took place before this particular relationship had begun, so we're not talking about betrayal within the relationship.

But the situation is no less devastating - the dream of a first kiss or first touch dies with that confession. But my greater concern is that somehow our parenting has traded in the gospel for religion. To the degree that we not only call our children to personal holiness but (unintentionally) demand the same for their friends or even future spouses, are we discounting the transforming power of grace?

Is the young woman who has been changed by the gospel, leading her to confess to her fiancee that she has a sexual history - is she now damaged goods, suffering from evangelical leprosy, unfit to be loved by someone who grew up dreaming of a virginal bride? Can any good Christian girl stay together with a guy who confesses that he struggles with porn or same-sex attraction?

Comments

[walter]

I think another unintended consequence of that kind of parenting, is that in the good-hearted attempt to shield children from the messed up "folks" in the world and try to be "other" in our families we may actually communicate something detrimental to our kids: that they aren't actually as messed up as those "folks" out there in the world. I think growing up with that (likely subconscience) belief will undermine joy in Christ in the gospel, and destroy our ability to offer any grace to those around us who occasionally happen to behave like the messed up people they (we) really are.
P.s. great post

[Matt Adair]

Walter - I think it's safe to say that the suburbs are filled with people who are missionally and spiritually blind and flabby - primarily for reasons you bring up.

[emily]

Great post, Matt. I agree with Walter. This discussion reminds me of the passage in Mark 7:1-23, when Jesus rebukes the Pharisees, reminding them that their sinful HEARTS are what make them "unclean." It's much easier to parent our children to keep a list of rules. It's difficult to raise children with a working knowledge of the Gospel. It's risky and scary to teach our children how to love sinners. Many parents resort to indoctrinating their children with the rules of religion instead of seeking to infuse their hearts with the truth of the Gospel. I struggle daily with this very issue.